Hello, dear old blog! It's been a while. This is me saying I'm still alive. I'm still here. I'm still striving.

It's been nine months since I left my family and my pug babies - my home in a little town in the Philippines called GenSan. A lot has happened and things have changed. Friends forget, culture shock, loneliness, appreciating the little things, etc. My life right now in Kuwait is the total opposite of my life in GenSan where I hustle hard, working from 8-5 during weekdays and a pile of bring-home paperwork to do on night time, having coffee with my parents on afternoons while having conversation about anything and everything, pug cuddles, constant coffee dates with friends, and gardening in what we call our "secret garden". Yes I was a plantita.

Before I came here, aside from being too ecstatic to be finally with Ali, my mind was busy making plans, I was excited even. I said to myself, I'll finally have time to do the things I've been longing to do like painting, writing and journaling, reading tons of books, the possibilities are endless. But the only thing came into reality was journaling, not the "writing". My journal just contains to-do lists, things happened in a day and a few thoughts and musings. Nothing deep nor poetic. I do almost the same things every day except for the weekend dates with Ali. 

I just applied for a one year vacation leave, there were times that I'd ask myself what if I'll resign and be with Ali here in Kuwait for good? But God, or the universe or fate or whoever is out there made that decision for me. I lost my job last December 2021. Of course I cried, I was in deep depression. I loved my job even though the salary doesn't justify the workload that teachers have, I didn't mind spending my own money fixing and decorating my classroom, and I love teaching and inspiring kids. I know at the back of my mind, there will be time that I have to leave but the way it happened in December was painful. DepEd has kicked me down the cliff. And now that I'm unemployed, jobless, and most of all penniless... What now? 

I am a fulltime housewife now. More than half of me loves being one for I love taking care of Ali but a part of me is heartbroken for I can't be that proud strong independent woman anymore. I have a lot of time to think and overthink now, sometimes it causes me depression. There are days when I can't pull myself out of bed and tears keep falling from my eyes. There are also days where I feel numb and empty. I still take meds, and thank God meds are free here in Kuwait. 

For now I'm still trying to adjust, trying to be a better human being, to find solace in loneliness, to find my place in a foreign country that I must learn to call my second home. 

For now I just have to trust that things are right where they should be. They always are.

I hope in my return to this tiny space, I'll be that person I'd hoped and prayed for.

When I was in my teenage years, I wrote the things that I must achieve by the age of 30. And now that I just turned 30, I haven't even accomplished almost half of the things I wrote back then. I mean look at me, instead of saving wild animals in Africa or doing something grand for the planet, I am still here in my hometown living life as a teacher and swamped in a pile of paperwork. I'm not complaining tho! I love teaching and I love inspiring children.

No, I'm not full of wisdom nor have nothing left to learn. Of course there are tons of things in life I still have to learn. But I think compared to my 20 year old self, I am now wiser. 

I cracked my brain out to reflect what have I really learned for the past years... Those things I've learned that shaped me who I am today.

1. Remember when you wanted what you currently have.
2. You will lose friends along the way and that's okay.
3. Your parents are getting old so never be too busy for them. Show them all the love and care while they're still here.
4. Ego is a weapon of mass destruction.
5. You are not always right! Be open for constructive criticism.
6. Own up to your flaws and work on them. Self-reflect!
7. Protect your solitude.
8. Always be kind. ALWAYS.
9. You don't always have to make money from your hobbies.
10. Talk less. Listen more.
11. Saving and Emergency fund is very very important.
12. Start doing your part in saving Mother Earth however small it may be.
13. It's okay to take a break.
14. We have our own timeline.
15. Speak up if you see something wrong and fight for your rights.
16. Don't be a fucking Misogynist.
17. Happiness hides in small things.
18. Remember who checked on you while your struggling.
19. If it doesn't feel right, it's not right.
20. It doesn't always go to as planned.
21. Get close with people who see the world differently than yours, or from backgrounds, ages, and genders.
22. Put the phone down and take in life around you.
23. Reading can really take you to places.
24. Don’t let people borrow money.
25. Treat a janitor, waiter or helper with the same respect as the CEO.
26. Your feelings are valid whatever it may be.
27. Journaling is an effective form of therapy.
28. It's okay to change your path. 
29. Don't rush into love. It will always find you at the right time, at the right place.
30. Regardless of how filthy your past has been, your future is still spotless.