June 1

I started reading the book Bleeding Sun (Dugo sa Bukang Liway-liway) by Rogelio Sicat. My goal this month is to read books from Filipino authors.

June 5

Every time I go to Friday Market, I end up feeling a little regret for not buying a vintage piece I saw. I don’t know why, but the feeling always lingers afterward.

And whenever I see The Carpet Guy’s vintage finds on Instagram, I can’t help but feel a little jealous. How does he always manage to discover and score such incredible pieces? Why can’t I seem to find treasures like that at Friday Market? Maybe I just don’t have the eye for spotting them. I know it’s a silly feeling, but it’s there nonetheless.

June 6

• I just finished the book Bleeding Sun. Beautiful yet tragic, heartbreaking yet hopeful. A powerful read that deserves to be required reading for every Filipino student.
• So Ali bought me a secondhand walkpad. I guess my fitness era is about to begin? Fingers crossed lol.

June 8

A massive 7.8-magnitude earthquake struck GenSan and the rest of the SOCCSKSARGEN region today.

My first instinct was to call my parents, but they weren’t answering. I called Bong next, and thank God he picked up. Hearing that my family was safe brought an overwhelming sense of relief.

At first, I couldn’t believe it. It felt surreal that something so devastating could happen to the place I call home. I spent most of the day scrolling through Facebook, watching videos and reading updates. Every collapsed building, every damaged home, every frightened face made my heart ache. Being far away makes the helplessness feel even heavier. All I could think about was my hometown and the people whose lives were turned upside down in a matter of seconds.

In the midst of all the devastation, one thing gave me hope. I was amazed by Angat Buhay’s swift response. The earthquake struck at around 7:30 a.m., and by noon, their volunteers were already on the ground distributing relief goods to those affected. Moments like these remind me that even in the darkest times, there are people who choose to show up, help, and give others hope.

June 9

I can’t help but feel disheartened. The only person who checked in to see if my family was okay was Ate Rina. Aside from her, no one reached out, asked how we were doing, or even offered a few words of empathy. It made me wonder if I’m a horrible person, or if maybe nobody really cares about me. I know that sounds like a main character mindset, and maybe it is, but that’s honestly how I feel right now.

Maybe I’m just someone who doesn’t leave much of a mark on people. Maybe I’m simply a passerby in the lives of those I meet - someone who comes and goes without being remembered.

June 10

Watching people politicize the devastation in SOCCSKSARGEN is honestly exhausting.

In times like these, people’s lives should come before politics. Stop turning every act of assistance into a partisan debate. Let every politician, regardless of their party or surname, do their job. Disaster response is a public duty, not a campaign.

SOCCSKSARGEN needs all the help it can get. Don’t stain relief efforts with political colors. If someone wants to help, let them. Hold everyone accountable, but don’t discourage aid simply because it comes from a political rival.

What frustrates me the most is the double standard. Some politicians are relentlessly criticized no matter what they do, while others receive overwhelming praise for doing the bare minimum—as if they’ve done something extraordinary. The people celebrating online often haven’t donated, volunteered, or done anything to help those affected. At the end of the day, this shouldn’t be about politicians. It should be about the victims and the communities trying to recover.

June 11

I really wasn’t in the mood for a weekend getaway after everything that happened in GenSan. My heart was still there, trying to process the devastation. But I went anyway because Ali had been looking forward to it, and the twins absolutely love the beach. So we spent two nights in a chalet at Khiran with our half-breed friends. It’s funny cos since April, we’ve somehow ended up spending every other weekend in Khiran. It’s become our little routine, and seeing how happy the twins are every time makes it worth it. Even while I was there, though, a part of me couldn’t stop thinking about home.

June 12

It’s Independence Day today, but are we truly free?

Sometimes I wonder if there’s still hope for the Philippines. We often end up being our own worst enemy. We continue to live in a country where incompetence and political theatrics are rewarded, and what’s even more disheartening is how many people treat politicians like idols rather than public servants.

The blind loyalty, the cult-like devotion, and the refusal to hold leaders accountable make it difficult to stay hopeful. I love my country, but lately, it’s hard not to feel disappointed. On days meant to celebrate freedom, I find myself questioning what freedom really means when so many of the same problems continue to persist. I haven’t completely given up on the Philippines, but I can’t deny that my hope is growing thinner with each passing year.

June 14

I’m at the point in my life where I’m simply tired of people and humanity in general. All I want is to live in a cozy cottage tucked away in the countryside, surrounded by a whimsical garden, and spend my days as a hermit. A quiet life. A simple life. Far from the noise  and horrible people.

And when my time finally comes, I’d like to leave as quietly as I lived - returning to dust, without fanfare, without legacy, and without the need to be remembered.

June 15

So I finally got the chance to visit Jarir Bookstore today. Ali dropped me off while he took Bella to the groomers and ran a few errands. After some successful book shopping, I spent a quiet afternoon at Ark Coffee, right beside Jarir, while waiting for Ali. It was the perfect little solo bookstore-and-coffee date.

Books I bought:

• Eleanor Oliphant is completely fine by Gail Honeyman
• Breakroom by Miye Lee
• After Life by Gayle Forman
• Hera by Jenifer Saint
• Activity books for the twins

June 19

Ali dropped us off at Boulevard, and naturally, I couldn’t resist stopping by Jarir. Needless to say, I left with a few books.

• Where the Lemon Tree Grows by Zoulfa Katouh
• The Elsewhere Express by Samantha Sotto Yambao
• Dinner at the Night Library by Hika Harada

I regret not buying the book “Broken Country" and now I’m itching to go back for it.

June 20

 Remember when I said this month would be dedicated to reading Filipino authors? Well… I only ended up reading one. So much for sticking to my reading plans. I’ve been craving a light romance, so I picked up It Happened One Summer by Tessa Bailey, hoping it would be the perfect palate cleanser. But somewhere along the way, I realized I may have outgrown romance books - for now, at least.

So after that, I again long for stories with more depth. The kind that lingers long after the final page, that makes you pause, reflect, and feel something beyond the romance. I’m finding myself drawn to books that leave a mark, rather than ones filled with endless love scenes. Maybe it’s just a reading season, but right now, I’m craving substance more than sparks. Ugh, my indecisiveness stems from me being bipolar.

June 21

Today, I locked myself in my bedroom and watched Voicemails for Isabelle on Netflix. I cried, I laughed, though mostly I cried. It made me realize how much I’ve missed rom-coms like this. There’s something comforting about stories that make you feel everything at once. It’s refreshing to see romantic comedies making a comeback.

June 22

I’m so productive today, and I’m so happy about it. I deep-cleaned the kitchen shelves and organized all the canned goods. I’ve been procrastinating on this chore for a while, so I’m really glad I finally got it done. There’s something so satisfying about crossing off a task you’ve been putting off.

June 23

The Tacloban shooting incident has shaken me more than I expected, especially now that I’m a mother. It fills me with fear knowing that Ali and I are raising the twins in a world that often feels so frightening and unpredictable. 

I worry about so many things. I worry that they might get bullied at school because they’re only half-Kuwaitis. I worry about the people they’ll meet, the choices they’ll make, and the dangers they’ll face that we won’t always be there to protect them from.

I find myself wondering how we’re supposed to teach them everything they’ll need to survive. How do we raise children who are strong enough to stand up for themselves, yet kind enough not to become cruel? How do we teach them to be both street-smart and book-smart? How do we protect them without over-sheltering them? How do we keep them safe while also giving them the freedom to become confident and independent?

Motherhood and parenting often feels like carrying the impossible responsibility of preparing two little people for a world you cannot control. It’s overwhelming to think that every lesson we teach or fail to teach could shape the kind of adults they become. I know we can’t protect them from everything. No parent can. But I hope Ali and I can raise them with wisdom, compassion, courage, and good judgment.

June 24

Today’s chore is cleaning all the ceiling vents and air conditioning units. I feel so productive!

June 25

It’s been a while since we last attended Ali’s family Thursday gathering. Today, we went to Bader’s new house for a lunch get-together. Their home is absolutely lovely. It feels airy and calming, and is thoughtfully decorated. It even made me wonder if they hired an interior designer. My favorite part was the indoor courtyard (I don’t know if that’s the right term for it) but it featured cascading waterfalls, lush greenery, and three cozy lounging areas. It’s the kind of space that makes you wish you lived there.

Directly across from Bader’s house is Ali’s (My husband Ali’s cousin). It has the exact same layout, yet the atmosphere is completely different. While Bader’s home feels serene and garden-like, Ali’s is centered around an enormous aquarium filled with imported marine animals, vibrant corals, and aquatic plants. It was mesmerizing to look at. Both homes are beautiful in their own way, each with its own distinct personality.

PS: I was slightly offended when I found out Bader doesn’t know Taylor Swift. Hahaha! I mean, wow, it’s so rare to meet someone who doesn’t know the Taylor Swift.

June 26

• Friday means it’s time for the Half-Breeds’ gathering. Ali and I headed there at around 9 p.m. We decided to leave the twins at home with Ate Lyn since they hadn’t taken their afternoon nap. If we had brought them along, they probably would have been cranky the entire time. We ended up staying out much later than we expected and didn’t get home until around 3 a.m. It’s been a while since we’ve stayed out that late, but it was nice spending the evening catching up and enjoying everyone’s company.

• I had a heated argument with my cousin yesterday about the Tacloban shooting incident. During our conversation, he openly admitted that he’s pro-Duterte. He said, “Yes, I’m pro. It’s up to people whether they choose to be influenced by Duterte. They’re stupid if they imitate him and do something they already know is wrong.”

What I don’t understand is this: how can you support someone who normalized extrajudicial killings and violence, then turn around and say it’s entirely the individual’s fault if they imitate that behavior? If a child grows up seeing violence normalized or even praised by leaders, how are they supposed to know where the moral line is? Leaders shape public attitudes, whether we like it or not. Their words and actions carry influence. That’s the part of his reasoning I can’t wrap my head around. It seems contradictory to acknowledge that people are influenced by leaders, yet deny any responsibility when that influence contributes to harmful behavior

June 29

Today I listened to Taylor Swift’s I Hate It Here, and when I heard the line, “I’ll save all my romanticism for my inner life, and I’ll get lost on purpose,” it felt as if I was hearing it for the first time. 

It struck something deep inside me. As a hopeless romantic married to a practical and non-romantic husband, that line  hits differently. I always long for surprises and romantic gestures but whenever I expect one during occasions I just end up disappointed and heartbroken… So I just keep all my romanticism to myself.

Alas, it’s just strange how you can listen to the same song countless times, and then one random day, a single lyric suddenly hits you in a completely different way.

June 30

Lately, I’ve been feeling like a failure as a mother. I often find myself doubting whether I’ve done enough or handled things the right way. Looking back, I keep thinking I could have done better, that I should have responded differently or handled the twins with more patience or wisdom, more calmer but with conviction.

I know motherhood is a constant learning process, but lately it has been difficult to silence the voice that keeps telling me I could have done more.